its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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