Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
