I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
