Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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