Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
