That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
