I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
