omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
