The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
