I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
