Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
