But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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