i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
