I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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