I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
