i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
