apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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