youre lurking in front of me
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
