It's like God shit irony all over that family
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
