You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
