is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
