I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
