thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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