If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So vagazzling was a success
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