Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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