arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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