I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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