I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
