I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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