I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
