dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
