it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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