woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
