Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
