Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize