READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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