Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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