So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
