he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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