Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize