have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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