She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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