the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
