Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
