yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
