that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
