Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
