How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
