90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
