best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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