Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
