Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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