We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
