Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
