I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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