i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize