How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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