Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
