Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
