This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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