so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
