lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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