While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
i out mim tonsoeep
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
