i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize