tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
sex in a hospital.. check
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Randomize
