Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
