he told me I talked like a deaf person
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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