I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
