found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
