You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
