OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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