shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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