You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
