I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize